Prophetic!

Many years ago, I was told by someone else who is very sensitive to Spirit that I had the gift of Prophecy (Christianese for kinda psychic - sorta).  I grew to know that she was right, but this gift has changed over the years.  It began with a very small context - Evangelical Churchianity.  I wanted to make sure I did everything according to what I considered the correct rules, so I listened to the standard wisdom about such things - willing to err on the conservative side.  This stuff was kinda fuzzy and wild and unpredictable and many Christians didn't believe in it anyway, so I had to consider alot of conflicting input.  I made some mistakes, took a few risks, had two pretty great events happen (Tho it was bad news for them, it was dead on for me).  I've seen things correctly while I was pretty clear and clean Spiritually, and also while I had a temporary psychotic break.  It doesn't seem to matter.  Kinda like gun-laws, I try and wait a day or two before making any moves when I get something because this kind of thing can be a deadly weapon. 

Once I cursed someone, and it happened just the way I spoke it out.  That was a horrible time for everyone, but a necessary step for me.  I had to objectify someone else's curse that I had bee internalizing for years and put the bad ju-ju back where it belonged.   I still remember it with remorse. Hopefully with time I will learn better ways to handle that, but I searched high and low for advice before I did that.  I got no help from the people I approached.  People I thought would have some sort of insight about what was happening and would be able to be frank with me either weren't aware of their own gifts or couldn't see the connection between my experience and theirs.  One place I went to was for the Mentally Ill - because I had a temporary, event-driven, psychotic episode - and because I spoke about death, they censored me and made the wound even worse.  It's a good thing I wasn't suicidal.  They would have pushed me over the edge.  It's been about 3 years now since that happened and I see more clearly what was happening to me at the time.  I'm grateful for the experience, as I am now a Wounded Healer.  I've earned my stripes. 

Within the last year I've been watching what happens to me on my monthly cycles in this regard.  I become much more sensitive and intuitive a week or so before my period.  Last week and the one before were terribly sensitive for me and when my period was due, I spotted and then stopped for a few days.  I began to wonder if I was pregnant.  Thursday, I dropped in the middle of a class and had to go lie down for the last two hours - completely exhausted and unable to rouse myself.  The Virginia Tech Shooting was extremely important to me as well as the story of a man whom I had never heard of but saw a pbs show about - Lonnie Frisbee.  I saw the significance of these things woven deeply into the fabric of our culture and the state of the world and I staggered emotionally for almost two weeks.  Both of those events will motivate and enrich alot of work that I do in the coming years. 

My period did eventually start - on Friday.  My boyfriend was disappointed.  We're both older now and while children raised by older parents tend to grow up with alot less stress and expectations put to them, it would still not be a good thing for me to have another child now.  But it was sweet to see him go through that little period of wondering.  It can sometimes be transformative for men. 

One of the other things that was really neat last week was when my daughter and I were watching James whats-his-name interview Johnny Depp and he was asked about what Parenting was like for him.  He is a tragically sensitive man with more integrity than many should be allowed to have, so his personal transitions were very distinct and human and quite beautiful.  He said that when his daughter was born he groked the meaning of life.  "Oh, that's what this is all about! Now I see."  He said that it was like a veil was lifted from over his eyes.  So many things occupy the minds of men which matter alot for about 20 minutes - tops.  Then there are the monuments which will matter alot forever and ever.  But this is different.  This is really the only thing that has ever mattered.  Not making, having and raising babies or perpetuating the family bloodline or populating the planet, but nurturing life and making the world a good place to be, because in the bright light of such innocense, any selfishness or futility present in other pursuits is imediately exposed.  It's like an X-ray.  A veil-lifter.  All knees bow to such a compelling reason to be and create Goodness, Truth and Beauty.

And that is like a great equalizer.  That is a moment when I feel like I'm not alone in seeing the true importance of things.  It is fleeting, however, because it passes like indigestion in most of the men I know.  And in a day or two, they're right back at it, and I am alone once again with my Vision and sorrow. 


I see deeply.  And I am powerfully effected.  I have so much to say about all these things, but so little time to write it all down.  I've said that before, I know. 

~Ww